I’ve had it, I’m sorry but watching the fear and pain and bewilderment of people frustrated with the public school distance learning is killing me. With six children (four graduated to aduldren), I have homeschooled for almost 30 years and I’ve mentored thousands of homeschooling parents. There is no success nor failure I’m unfamiliar with. I’ve heard it ALL!
Here is the lowdown and I’ll tell you exactly what you need to know. This advice is refined from literal blood, sweat, and tears.
1. Do not buy ANY curriculum. Do not buy little desks. Do not buy bulletin boards. Do not buy any subscriptions with blingy boxes of science experiments. Do not buy anything except paper, pencils, and crayons until after you get to number 8.
2. Spend time determining your educational philosophy. Let your children play (in non-electronic ways) while you get a clue. We call this deschooling or detoxing and it’s a necessary step anyway. Ask yourself, “What do I want to educate FOR?” That’s another way to ask “Why do we educate?”Chances are very good that you don’t know why. I don’t mean to offend you, but, I had 19 years of formal education (as well as excellent preschool instruction) and it was all based on a false narrative. We don’t have time to go into that. I know our collective psyche has been programmed to think that education is to get a job. Yes, sort of...not really. You will assist your children more by focusing on their character than on “training” them for a job (which probably won’t exist by the time they are raised). We train dogs. Children? We grow them into amazing human beings who can reach their individual potential. Forcing them through pre-determined standards will make them hate learning and hate being homeschooled. The byproduct of that is a terrible relationship between the two of you. Here's a quiz to help you on your journey to figure it out.
3. Work on your family culture. Have schedules based on living (rising, eating, cleaning, reading as a family, resting, doing hobbies) with large blocks of time set apart to explore. Teach your children to work--the harder the work you can give them, the better. In our agrarian past, a kid that was 8 or 9 could round up cattle or plant in the fields all day. Your kid can empty the dishwasher. Don’t put it all on the eldest. Make time for discussion of important things (and by that, I mean important to you and the culture you wish to create.) Make time for exercise and fun and relaxing. Here's a family culture genius.
4. Take the money you saved on curricula (that would have ended up sitting on a shelf) and get domestic help. Even if your finances only allow you to pay $5 an hour to a neighborhood teen to fold your mountain of laundry. You, keeping your sanity, is priority number one. You, having time to be with your kids both as a group and one-on-one, is priority number two. You, having the mental space to WANT to be with your kids, is priority number three. I promise you that the money is better spent on a happier you than on whatever lessons or classes you think are essential to childhood. Assume you are in this for the long haul and create a sustainable life. Read that sentence again.
5. Look at your individual child and ask yourself, “What is his or her next step?” The answer can’t be “fourth-grade math,” it has to be “to learn how to reduce fractions.” Then ask yourself, “How would this child (not every 9 ½ year old, but this one) best learn that?” You may decide that the best way to reach him is by baking cookies with a piece of paper nearby so you can show him why this is a useful skill. Whenever possible, put the WHY before the HOW. “When am I ever going to need this?” should be a question that you don’t hear (very often). If you don’t know how to do your child’s next step because, as you may find that you retained very little from your own education, then LEARN TOGETHER. When you don’t know how to do the things that will be helpful in your lives, show her how to learn it. Being able to learn on her own will save you from burnout. Yes, you’re there for your children as a guide, as a resource, but your ultimate success is achieved when they don’t need you anymore and when they’ve found things they are passionate about. That’s called self-directed education. You’re their first mentor, teach them to find others in real life and in books and on Youtube. Here's a series of video lessons that will help you nail this (full disclosure, I get a percentage of this purchase and you'll see me in half the videos)
6. Ask your daughter what she wants to learn about. Suggest things that might be interesting. Take the question that your son asks and use it to catapult into the next topic. In a classroom setting, because there are 20-30 children, there is only so much time to ask questions. You have nothing but time (after all, the teen is in the next room folding your laundry!) and should answer as many of them as possible. Yes, this will drive you crazy. Just remember what you’re educating FOR. This will help you find the strength to answer it or let him know when you will be able to either answer it or help him find the answer (depending on age and development). Here is a site for the cheapest and most versatile coloring books on pretty much every subject.
7. Find or start a community with like-minded people (think educational philosophy primarily). I’m serious. After you get your own family culture out of chaos, this is the next most important thing. You need other families and they need you. When I say community, I’m not talking about a Facebook group where you ask questions and any random person can give you their opinion (sometimes I cringe because I know that person giving advice and the fruits of their own family are not fantastic—but one can hardly pop up and say that!) Regardless, they don’t know you, you don’t know them, they don’t know your kid. My children had other moms (and a few dads) who were like aunts and uncles, who care about them to this day. They had friends to invite to birthday parties who actually came, even though we live far from civilization. Friendships are forged when we invest the time to make them happen. In my estimation, this has been the most tragic outcome of the charter school movement. Even with the many benefits and choices and money (I call them golden handcuffs) a charter school offers, it’s a poor substitute for real community that comes to your aid in times of crisis or babies being born or parents dying. Every person brings to a community something unique that they can share with your kids. Community is the exact opposite of outsourcing to the “experts” because we become the experts.
8. NOW you can buy curriculum…perhaps...if you feel it is necessary to assist your child in the next, right step. Though I have used some curricula, I’ve primarily spent my energies developing my skills and abilities as a mentor, reading real books (if your domestic help leaves you with no money to spend, use the library and online resources), having experiences (travel provides a great education and local field trips connect learning to real life), learning skills (art, piano, gymnastics), and project learning.
I spent 19 years developing killer test-taking skills. While that experience came in handy—once...at the DMV...getting a motorcycle license—it had nothing to offer in any of my career or entrepreneurial endeavors and it certainly did nothing for my real life. I also spent 19 years learning to accurately assess what the professor/teacher wanted to hear from me and anticipating the questions that were going to be on the test. That never came in handy. Instead, I learned that there was only one correct answer and it took me years to shake that paradigm and believe that I could come to a different answer and still be right (perhaps even “right and just” OR “right and good” OR maybe just “more accurate in this situation”).
If you believe you are incapable of this journey before you, please get a mentor. Decades of homeschool research shows that measurable educational outcomes (and the most important ones I’ve alluded to can’t be measured) are not dependent on the parents’ educational background, race, or socioeconomic status (which is not the case with traditional schooling). I believe this is true for the following reason: no matter how well-educated or caring or dedicated an expert is, nobody cares as much about your kid as you do. You’re completely invested in your children and their success. Focus on igniting a love for the process of learning and watch your child bloom in impossible ways.
When the pandemic is a memory, you will have stronger family relationships and happier kids. You will see your child through different eyes because you realize he’s an absolute, freaking genius. And you will rest easy in the thought that you’ve given them the best possible outcome--a great character and knowing how to learn anything they want to learn.
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| Let me help you heave this boulder! |
1. Do not buy ANY curriculum. Do not buy little desks. Do not buy bulletin boards. Do not buy any subscriptions with blingy boxes of science experiments. Do not buy anything except paper, pencils, and crayons until after you get to number 8.
3. Work on your family culture. Have schedules based on living (rising, eating, cleaning, reading as a family, resting, doing hobbies) with large blocks of time set apart to explore. Teach your children to work--the harder the work you can give them, the better. In our agrarian past, a kid that was 8 or 9 could round up cattle or plant in the fields all day. Your kid can empty the dishwasher. Don’t put it all on the eldest. Make time for discussion of important things (and by that, I mean important to you and the culture you wish to create.) Make time for exercise and fun and relaxing. Here's a family culture genius.
4. Take the money you saved on curricula (that would have ended up sitting on a shelf) and get domestic help. Even if your finances only allow you to pay $5 an hour to a neighborhood teen to fold your mountain of laundry. You, keeping your sanity, is priority number one. You, having time to be with your kids both as a group and one-on-one, is priority number two. You, having the mental space to WANT to be with your kids, is priority number three. I promise you that the money is better spent on a happier you than on whatever lessons or classes you think are essential to childhood. Assume you are in this for the long haul and create a sustainable life. Read that sentence again.
 |
| Make learning organic and sought after.Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay |
5. Look at your individual child and ask yourself, “What is his or her next step?” The answer can’t be “fourth-grade math,” it has to be “to learn how to reduce fractions.” Then ask yourself, “How would this child (not every 9 ½ year old, but this one) best learn that?” You may decide that the best way to reach him is by baking cookies with a piece of paper nearby so you can show him why this is a useful skill. Whenever possible, put the WHY before the HOW. “When am I ever going to need this?” should be a question that you don’t hear (very often). If you don’t know how to do your child’s next step because, as you may find that you retained very little from your own education, then LEARN TOGETHER. When you don’t know how to do the things that will be helpful in your lives, show her how to learn it. Being able to learn on her own will save you from burnout. Yes, you’re there for your children as a guide, as a resource, but your ultimate success is achieved when they don’t need you anymore and when they’ve found things they are passionate about. That’s called self-directed education. You’re their first mentor, teach them to find others in real life and in books and on Youtube. Here's a series of video lessons that will help you nail this (full disclosure, I get a percentage of this purchase and you'll see me in half the videos)
6. Ask your daughter what she wants to learn about. Suggest things that might be interesting. Take the question that your son asks and use it to catapult into the next topic. In a classroom setting, because there are 20-30 children, there is only so much time to ask questions. You have nothing but time (after all, the teen is in the next room folding your laundry!) and should answer as many of them as possible. Yes, this will drive you crazy. Just remember what you’re educating FOR. This will help you find the strength to answer it or let him know when you will be able to either answer it or help him find the answer (depending on age and development). Here is a site for the cheapest and most versatile coloring books on pretty much every subject.
 |
| You don't want to do this alone! Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash |
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| Warning: Not all books are equal! |
I spent 19 years developing killer test-taking skills. While that experience came in handy—once...at the DMV...getting a motorcycle license—it had nothing to offer in any of my career or entrepreneurial endeavors and it certainly did nothing for my real life. I also spent 19 years learning to accurately assess what the professor/teacher wanted to hear from me and anticipating the questions that were going to be on the test. That never came in handy. Instead, I learned that there was only one correct answer and it took me years to shake that paradigm and believe that I could come to a different answer and still be right (perhaps even “right and just” OR “right and good” OR maybe just “more accurate in this situation”).
If you believe you are incapable of this journey before you, please get a mentor. Decades of homeschool research shows that measurable educational outcomes (and the most important ones I’ve alluded to can’t be measured) are not dependent on the parents’ educational background, race, or socioeconomic status (which is not the case with traditional schooling). I believe this is true for the following reason: no matter how well-educated or caring or dedicated an expert is, nobody cares as much about your kid as you do. You’re completely invested in your children and their success. Focus on igniting a love for the process of learning and watch your child bloom in impossible ways.
When the pandemic is a memory, you will have stronger family relationships and happier kids. You will see your child through different eyes because you realize he’s an absolute, freaking genius. And you will rest easy in the thought that you’ve given them the best possible outcome--a great character and knowing how to learn anything they want to learn.
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